Sunday, 8 December 2013

How time flies when you miss someone.....

Today is the 9th anniversary of my Grandmas death.

I have a saying, 'if we didn't love people so damn much, it wouldn't be so hard to say goodbye'. It's the truth, but unfortunately we can't help our hearts, and we do love our nearest and dearest greatly.

I actually can't believe it's been 9 years already. She battled with cancer for a good long time, a fighter she always was. I had a pretty hard time dealing with it when it happened. I was 19, and it was the first proper experience I'd had with death, actually it was the first death in my family since I was 2 years old. I carried  lot of guilt around with me for a lot of years afterwards, as I had been out with friends at a gig when she passed, and I knew for some reason earlier on that I had wante to leave the pub and go be with her in the hospice. But I didnt, and that weighed heavy on me for a very long time. I'm learning to accept now that what happened happened, and I'm sure she would have been happy that I was trying to enjoy myself. 

I had some pretty bad times afterwards, but with a lot of help and encouragement from my wonderful other half, friends and family, things have become easier. I still struggle to listen to the songs that were played at her funeral without crying, Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Eva Cassidy and Flying Without Wings by Westlife, but I will get there.

My Grandma was an amazing lady. I have very fond memories of her. Some of the best memories of her were from our big family holiday to Florida in May 2004, just months before she passed away. I  remember one specific moment in one of the water theme parks. She was in her wheelchair, she couldn't walk really, and couldn't stand for long.But she was pretty damn happy that she was there. I remember watching her stand up while everyone else was in the water, and she walked down to the waters edge. She just stood there with her feet in the shallow of water, but she stood. That memory hits me with such happy feelings when I think of it.

I remember her face when she waited in line to get her photo taken with Pluto!

She lived 2 doors down from me since I was 2 years old, so she was always around. me and my brother and sister used to take turns staying over night on the weekends, and she always made me cheese on toast for my breakfast. She would come along to our house and help us make bean pasties, lol. I loved how she love the McDonalds advert on TV (ba-da-da-da-da, I'm lovin' it), and every time  I hear it I think of her and smile. I still laugh at remembering how chuffed she was when Lou Bega's Mambo No 5 came out, and it said 'a little bit of Mary all night long'. I don't even think she cared about what the song was actually about lol, she enjoyed hearing her name in it :)

She was such an amazing lady and I feel so privileged to have had her in my life. My daughters middle name is Mary, after the most lovely woman that has ever been in my life.

9 years today Grandma, and I still miss you like crazy xxx

She has a Gone Too Soon page if anyone would like to read a little more about her:


  1. A really wonderful tribute to your grandmother, Dee. I had tears in my eyes. Just know that she's resting in peace now and cancer can't hurt her anymore. I'm sure she's smiling down on you and your family.

    Take care
    Kiru xx


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