Saturday, 19 October 2013

Writing Erotic Romance.... Do you tell people what you do?

So as the title says, if you write erotic romance, do you tell people what you do?

I've been thinking about this question lately. I think it was last weekend, my dad and sister were here and we were talking about one of my fabulous author pals, and my Dad said 'Dee, you should definitely write a book'. My sister popped up and answered for me with 'she is, but they're rude books', and giggled. I actually looked away from my Dad! I mean, come on, does he want to know that I'm dabbling with writing erotica? Which made me think, why not? Would he not be proud of me? Of course he would, I know he would. But I know some others have not been in that situation. I asked the following question to a few author friends of mine, and this is what they said:

You write Erotic Romance Novels. Do your Parents/Family/Friends know what you do? How do they feel about it?

Well Parents are no longer with us, but they'd  be pleased I'd followed my dream. Probably not read it though. Family and friends around? Mixed. Some love it, some don't care one way or the other, some ( so called friends) mutter disgusting. Some are proud I write, but don't like what. ( erotic? Argh lol) Some are very supportive. So the answer there is mixed!
Raven McAllan

The people close to me know. The ones that matter to me don't care what I write. If anyone minds they haven't told me.
Kiru Taye

My mother keeps asking me when I'm going to write something SHE can read. Otherwise, she doesn't really care. Some of my SO's family were derisive, but I don't think its any of their business. Most of them are noncommittal- or at least, they don't say anything to my face.  LOL
Lee Brazil

I write under my own name so, yes, everyone does know what I write. I've long ago decided, I am me, and if you don't like it, that's just too bad. After all I don't force anyone to read my books.

Having said that, on the whole, friends and family have been mostly supportive. Some I've never had that conversation with. Others openly read my books and that's lovely.
I had a hysterical conversation with a friend over the summer. She said, "No offence but I shall never read one of your books, because I could not look you in the eye afterwards."
We had a good giggle and that was that. 

That is not to say, I've not had my fair share of disapproving comments, because I've had them, but I've got a pretty thick skin, and let them roll off me. I'm proud of what I write, and I have my husband's full support, which is all that matters.
Doris O'Connor

This is a complicated question for me.
My dh is aware that I write erotic romance. Up until recently, he was not happy that I enjoyed writing Paranormal erotic romance. It did not sit well with him. So I continued but did not make it obvious. This meant I did not tell other members of the family and only a few VERY close friend were told.

Recently, my dh and I had another chat and were cleared up some of his concerns. We are now in a place where he knows I write, he does not wish to know the details and I keep it away from the real me - I use a pen name. This suits me as I need to be careful because of the job I do (Yes I am a super spy!)

Once my children are older, then I will be more open with wider family and friends.
Until then, this is a compromise and it works at the moment 
Michaela Rhua 

I've written one erotic romance. I thought maybe I could, decided I would, and I did. It took a year from meeting someone who gave me the inspiration to it being published. I got caught up in the excitement, the camaraderie and the author bonding. I loved the editing and being involved in the cover art. I liked the challenge of turning things around in tight timescales while having a proper day job. I felt involved, included and supported. 
But all the time I was wondering who I could tell, who I should tell, who I shouldn't ever tell.
I thought I had that sorted but I was wrong. I told too many people.
Only my very immediate family know I've written my book and I thought I'd picked the close friends I could share it with too.
Turns out that some "friends" have strict boundaries and as a straight male writing "gay porn" I'd smashed straight through those boundaries.
I was almost giggly with excitement when I appeared on Amazon, when I had an ISBN, when people could actually buy my book.
My book.
For sale.
For real.
And within days that excitement was trampled underfoot.
Why would anyone even want to write that sort of thing? What kind of pervert buys it? Are my children safe to be left alone with him?
For a long time I wished I'd never written it. I deleted all my blog posts and set about removing any trace of anything that could lead from my author self to my married, male, straight self. I deleted my author Facebook page, my Pinterest and Twitter accounts, my Authorgraph account. 
But now it's some months later and there are real friends who know and find it amusing, who are proud of me and what I've done. The close knit author groups on Facebook are still there for me as they were before and during it.
And I might, just might, write another one.
But this time I'm only telling you - because you get it.
Faberge Nostromo
My family knows that I write dirty things, but they choose not to comment on it. They are proud of me and what I have done with my writing, but I believe they are in denial about how hot things get, lol. My friends chalk it up to me and my dirty mind! :-)
Megan D Martin
 My OH knows what I do, and he is fine with it, he is happy with what I do and encourages me. My sister knows and is good with it too. And thanks to said sister, my Dad obviously knows lol, and he didn't say anything except 'hey you could end up like that Fifty Shades of Grey lady, selling millions of her book!' So I assume he'd be good with it too!

Do you have an answer to share to my question above? Let me know in the comments :D


  1. I use a pen name for erotic romance only because I started my writing career in SF and I wanted to keep the two names separate for marketing purposes. I decided from the very beginning that pretending I wasn't also "Nicola Cameron" was pointless -- if you try to hide that sort of thing, people will dig deeper and find it out anyway. So yeah, I'm Melanie Fletcher when I write SF, and I'm Nicola Cameron when I write erotic romance, and I'm totally good with that. My immediate family and friends have run the gamut from bemused to totally supportive about my writing career, but so far no one's stood up and denounced me or anything. And if they do, they know where the door is -- I'm just as proud of my erom work as I am of my SF work, and trying to make me feel bad about it isn't going to fly.

  2. It's a tricky thing and the author has to settle for what works best for him/her. Sometimes not telling people could be best especially if the persons concerned are very conservative.


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