So today I had a bit of a scare.
I've had type 1 diabetes for 8 years now, and at first I looked after myself really well. In fact, it's only been the last few years its been bad. But... each time I've been to the diabetic clinic for my check ups, even though my HBA1c has been a bit high, everything else has been fine. And I think I've been a bit cocky about it all.
I had my latest annual check up last month, and when my eyes were checked, they said there was something very small there, but it looked like nothing. Then today, I received a letter stating that the changes in my eyes show the start of Diabetic Retinopathy, but needs no treatment at this time. It scared the shit out of me. For the first time, I've actually been scared about it. I've sat this afternoon, and cried for about 2 hours, having a really good long chat with my other half about it. About the dangers of losing my sight if I continue the way I am, the chance of losing feet, hands, legs or even arms. I think it's seriously took something happening to make me realise properly that if I don't control this, it will get the better of me. I've swam along in life thinking nothing will happen, but this has made me realise that it can, and if I don't change things, it will.
When talking to OH, I got mad a little. He was asking me loads of questions like did I want o be able to see my kids grow up, do I want to lose my feet,to which I was answering yes or no, quietly. But the more questions, the more upset I got, and when he asked me if I had even accepted my diabetes, I shouted NO! And it was only then I realised that I haven't accepted it properly. I don't know why, but it obviously seems like I haven't.
So today is a kick up the arse, well and truly. I can't let it control me, I can't let it get me down any longer. My diet crashed and burned back at Christmas, after losing 19lbs, so that has to come back again!
Just a rant I know, but I needed to finish this off, let it out, and start afresh tomorrow.
G'night folks :)